- The Tiny White Shoebox
- Mar 16, 2020
- 6 min read
What scares us? I would bet that as an adult it’s a little different from the fears in your childhood years. Most people’s biggest fear isn’t the dark, or monsters, or bugs. Most people fear money, and the problems and burdens that are associated with it.
Money isn’t inherently evil or particularly frightening. After all, it’s just coins and pieces of green paper. But we learn fairly quickly moving into our adult years that lacking funds is a terrible predicament to be in. I come from an average income household. My parent’s both grew up in Southern Ohio and never had anything handed to them during their childhood. Both learned to work hard for what they had at a very young age. They cherished and took care of the things that they earned. Practicality in life was a way of survival. They learned to be resourceful, frugal, and make calculated decisions in order to stretch a dime. They knew they wanted to be able to always provide for their future families and wanted to ensure their children had the best life possible.
My parents consistently preached to us about saving and not spending frivolously, from a very young age. They were always making us practice our math skills so that we would understand finances later in life. They wanted us to be fully educated and aware of when something was a good deal and when other things in life were scams, just trying to take our money. They were always so transparent and honest with us when it came to where our family stood financially. Things we could afford, things we couldn’t afford, things that we needed to save money for, unexpected financial burdens, etc. There was never a moment that I remember my parents trying to hide their financial truth from us. They never pretended to have more money than they actually had.
And still, I didn’t fully grasp the importance of understanding, planning, and preparing for life financially. I remember wondering why my mom wouldn’t let us buy things like expensive clothes or toys at the store. After all, she had a credit card. A credit card, as far as I could see, was free money; money someone gave you that allowed you to have things you wanted.
Let me tell you about my childhood with my parents. I have an older brother, who from birth was constantly hospitalized for numerous health conditions. I have a younger sister, who had more energy than most adults could handle. There was a lot of yelling. Along with the yelling, there was ALWAYS teaching. Reflecting back on being younger, I can’t remember a time that my parents weren’t trying to prepare us, teach us, or guide us. My parents were present. They spent quality time with us every single day. They were building a foundation. A foundation for a lesson that I would need to utilize for the rest of my life. And still, I chose my own path, my own way… I made my own choices.
In college, people tell you that “this is your time to be selfish”. I think this sends a dangerous message, if left at just that. During my college years, I began making quick, unreserved decisions about my life. I lived in the now, while thinking to myself that the choices I was making were fine… after all, everyone else was living their lives the same way that I was. If you felt unsatisfied, quickly find something that will give you instant gratification. It was what everyone else was doing. I was being a normal college kid. My parents and I fought a lot while I was in college. I was unfocused with school, having fun with my friends, spending all my earnings from every paycheck, taking out student loans to afford to live in crappy housing on campus so that I could get the “full college experience”. This is what society tells us that the college years are all about.
I didn’t accumulate as much student loan debt as most of my peers, so I considered myself “lucky”. When my friends graduated, their student loan payments were upwards of $400 monthly, when mine were just going to be $150. I felt so fortunate. At the time, I was burnt out from the array of classes I was taking just trying to find a major that would stick, when I found a job at a corporate bank working a night shift making $18 hourly. I left college and began working full time.
After working for about 6 months, I decided to buy myself a new car. My parent’s car that I had been driving was approaching 300k miles, and what the heck?! I deserved it! So, I went to a car dealership, handed over all the savings I had from the money I was making at my big girl job, and walked away with my first new vehicle, and a pretty new 5 year car loan.
I want to stop here and explain to you my mindset at this time. I was constantly comparing my financial situation to others', in order to get the reassurance I needed to sleep well at night with my decisions. Instead of solely looking at what I needed, what I should be planning for, what I should be worried about, I was looking to other’s lives as a model for my own. The problem with this is pretty simple… I was me, not them. As long as I had someone to look at and say, “Well, I must be doing ok because my situation isn’t as bad as theirs”, then I felt like there wasn’t anything wrong with what I was doing and the way I was living. But money still worried me. I would lay in bed at night, going back and forth with my thoughts. I would wonder why I had to constantly think about money, if I was going to have enough to buy myself groceries, if I had to pay the electric bill a few days late once I got paid, if I could afford to go on weekend trips with my friends. Why did I feel like this? I didn’t have “that much debt”. I had a “decent” job. I was making “good money”.
The thing is, most of us know what we are supposed to do with money, in a basic sense. The difference between people who don’t have to worry about money and those who do, is the habits and behaviors we have in place for our lives day to day.
I was fixating on outside surrounding factors that had nothing to do with my own behaviors; behaviors that were getting in the way of my own financial security and peace of mind. New purses, expensive bar tabs, emotional spending, eating out frequently, the list goes on of all the things that contributed to my financial anxieties. I didn’t have a plan, I was just living day by day, week by week, with no goals, no vision, and no idea how to build a positive future for myself. And the things I was spending my money on didn’t make me feel any more fulfilled, any more at peace, or any more accomplished. I had meaningless material things, and a mountain of stress and anxieties in front of me.
Take a step back with me here…
When I was a teen, I remember my parents started attending a class at our church called, “Financial Peace”. I didn’t know much about it, other than the fact that they started putting their cash every week in envelopes labeled with different categories. They said they were “budgeting” and following Dave Ramsey’s financial teachings. I didn’t like this Dave Ramsey guy and his advice, because it resulted in my parents saying “no” to us more. My parents who were always very frugal, were now going to an extreme in my eyes, to save money.
It was only recently that I realized the sacrifice my parents made back then was one of the best decisions they could have made for themselves and our family. After completing Financial Peace University, my parents paid off their 30 year mortgage in just 10 years. They have no debt. ZERO. ZILCH. NADA.
And do you know what recently happened to me, in my own adult years? I got tired. SICK AND TIRED. Tired of constantly feeling stressed about money. Sick of feeling like all I was doing was working and working and working and I had nothing to show for it. I was over feeling anxiety and fear about my future. I GOT HUNGRY. Hungry for a better life for myself. I wanted to feel peace of mind and I knew I had to take control of my life and get serious about my finances. So, I went back and humbled myself and began my journey to becoming debt-free.
Stay tuned for part 2 of my story!
